My Final Blog (Really)

Today was the last day of class not just for the semester but for my entire undergraduate college career. Now I thought that I would feel sad, as I was leading up to today, but what I didn't expect was the feeling that it was just the end of another semester.

I guess that it doesn't feel real or at the very least the gravity of the situation has yet to sink in. I mean I have earned a college degree in English Literature from a reputable institution. That in and of itself is no small accomplishment.

However, practically all that I have known for the past four years is how to be a student and in performing those roles I have become accustomed to that lifestyle. Now I will have an awful lot of free time and I do not know what I will be doing with myself. I already purchased two self-teaching books that will help me learn how to play a musical instrument.

Oh well, I guess I am not ready to stop being a student in one form of another. But probably the best lesson that I have learned in my college career is that there is always something to learn and that you do not need to learn it in college in order to be successful - although it doesn't hurt, except for your wallet that is.

My final Blog

Well here I am at the end of this great and grand journey of being an English major.

I tried to put this blog posting off for a while now by writing other blogs that I had been intending to write for a while now.

I do not know how to express what I am feeling now. This is the last writing assignment that I will be writing as an English Major.

I do not have anything grand planned for this entry - I know it seems rather anti-climatic but oh well. I must admit that I am feeling pretty sad right now and that is sad in itself.

After-all this is the moment that I have been working towards and looking forward to for so long. And now that it is finally here I am finding myself wishing that I had one more week of class left instead of one more day.

Maybe that is why we have some students that have been college students for much longer than four years.

Perhaps because they were afraid of graduation and also perhaps because they had gotten used to being a student and couldn't envision life outside of college.

I used to find that sentiment to be a rather pathetic one. Especially during my freshman and sophomore years when graduation seemed so far away.

But starting in my junior year I began to actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I had conveniently put those thoughts out of my mind. After all I still had a year to go.

Then as the first semester of my senior year kicked into gear I was very impatient to get my college career over with.

Those feelings carried over into the first couple of months in my second semester of my senior year. Then slowly that began to change. And I began to feel the uncomfortable emotions of attachment to being an English major, oh what would Krishna say about me now, oh never mind I already know.

I want everyone to know what an honor it has been to be in this class with all of you. This is my only English class this semester - by design mind you - I could have chosen another class but I wanted my last English class to be my capstone and I think that I made the correct decision.

After all I had already fulfilled all my other English Lit requirements and taking another English class would, at least in my opinion, have been pointless.

Well the time to say goodbye to all of you is finally here. The death of an English Major is the rebirth of someone else. Krishna would be proud.

Goodbye everyone - I had a blast!

About Silence - Ah the Irony

I thought that it was rather ironic that Nick gave his presentation about silence being a disappearing trait.

I found that ironic because Doug's baby was making cute noises in the background constantly distracting and amusingly interrupting Nick.

If I didn't know any better I would have thought that that was prearranged by Doug and Nick or potentially between Doug and our class director.

Nick had said that the mystery of silence is that it is through silence it is the only way to know epiphanies. I would have to agree with that assessment.

After all through several of our texts that we have read in class it seemed as though there was a moment when all other moments blended into each other.

And one of the characters in the story quietly reflected on all the moments that had gone before
and then suddenly have a brilliant flash of revelation and either had an Ah epiphany or an epiphany of the Oh variety.

Nick did say one thing that I did not quite agree on. He had said that silence is the absence of negative distraction.

But what if you are used to negative distraction and then all of a sudden what you had deemed to be a negative distraction had vanished and in its place there was true silence.

Couldn't that be deemed to be a negative distraction in and of itself?

I am used to writing my papers with the television on, my strategically located fans on high, and on occasion with the radio or a cd on, or also on occasion with a youtube video playing in the background.

But take these away and I know that I would find myself distracted by silence itself - which in turn would thus classify silence as a negative distraction.

Either that or it would allow me to have a minor epiphany to let me know that I need what others would classify as negative distractions as positive ones.

Following a class act...

Sam had the unfortunate timing of having to do her presentation after Taylor, not a pleasant prospect to be sure even under the best of circumstances.

Sam had spoke about how she was nervous giving her first presentation in college and going after Taylor didn't help her in feeling any better about giving her last, or next to last, presentation.

And believe me I know how she feels. Today I was the last group member to give a presentation and everyone who had gone before me had made every one laugh. I was rather nervous and Derrick helped to alleviate my anxiety by making me laugh just before I began my presentation. Thanks Derrick - you really helped to loosen me up!

Sam's presentation was great. She read a collection of diary entries that she had made as a work of creative nonfiction.

I like how she passionately read her diary entries - entries that were made over the course of several days, or weeks.

Ah, a life lived through the reading of a book. And while Sam may have had to follow a class act - whoever had to follow her, Tai, would in turn have to follow another class act.

Journal entries..

Taylor spoke about how she had found her journal recently and realized that her childhood journal is by far a much better source of insight behind the thoughts and feelings of the minds of children rather than reading children's fairly tale stories as well as children's books.

Taylor notes that the passing of time has illuminated her thoughts on being young. She said that while that little seven year old girl is still inside of her - she is not her and at the same time still is her.

I think that I know somewhat how she feels. I recently found old papers that I had written during my freshman year.

Man, talk about a weird experience. It is hard to believe that I actually wrote them. Some of them were just horrible, horrible papers and I can see how merciful my professors were on me.

I think that Taylor's reading of her paper was an amazing experience.

It is almost here...

Last week during Lisa's individual presentation she spoke about the future. Specifically about our upcoming graduation.

She said that our graduation was what we thought about for so long and that 0ne day soon we will all wake up and then it will be time for us all to graduate. This time that we had all thought about for so long is now almost here.

Only one class away - our final undergraduate English class, for most of us anyway. Only one week of finals and it will finally be here. It is almost hard to believe.

For four years, eight semesters, dozens of weeks, and seemingly countless days we are now down to the wire.

Lisa spoke about how hard her capstone was so hard to write because she was finding it very difficult to move on. She was not ready and I am beginning to finally understand the sentiment.

I have been a student for so long that I do not know how to be anything else. To think that after this semester I will no longer be a student - unless I go to graduate school in the near, or not so near future - is rather hard to believe.

I have been so used to studying and writing papers for so long that I do not know what I will be doing with my spare time and I will definitely have nothing but free time.

I think that I will learn how to play an instrument.

My Two Minutes Part 2

Be free of sorrow, anger, fear and take refuge in me -learn from me. So let me shed some light on action, inaction, and wrongful action.

This - the mourning of this English major is wrongful action. The correct action is to abandon attachment. Action brings the senses under control. Inaction is to throw yourself into ceaseless activities.

The English major before you, though dead, is in a state of progression. She will regain all the spiritual progress that she had made in her previous incarnation.

And with the end of this life - she will mark this as a starting point for her next life as she will strive yet again for perfection - through me.

As you continue your own journey remember me, take refuge in me, become totally dependent on me. And I will aid you on your own difficult journey as I aided her.

My Two Minutes Part 1

My two minutes of today's group presentation:

The English major before you had lived both a rich and difficult life, even though it was rather short. I look around this room and I see everyone dressed so well, so respectfully - pointless - look at me.

On your faces I see sadness, depression, and confusion. As I look into your hearts and minds I know this unbecoming sentiment to be true.

Do not be distracted by illusions. Pray for enlightenment, become my humble and sincere disciple and I will teach you.

Mourn neither the living nor the dead. But those assembled in this room are grieving and sorrowing. Tell me, why do you mourn for the death of this English major? Become free from attachment.

You knew me as either your student, classmate, and/or friend. But know come to know me as the Supreme Lord Krishna. Before you I stand as Ronald but know that that is only my current Avatar.

A Brief Response to Rian's Presentation

I think that Rian found a very interesting take on the existence of melancholy in literature and on how that leads to epiphantic experiences, which in turn can lead to great works of art.

I found her presentation to be very thoughtful and inspiring. I would definitely be interested in reading her final project because she did such a fine job of presenting it to the class.

Her use of quotes were particularly well chosen. I see that T.S. Elliot had the same affect on Rian and the Bhagavad Gita had on me. Indeed it is most interesting to see how various writers had such profound influences on the class.

My Capstone Project

My capstone paper was probably one of the hardest papers I ever had to write during my college career. My capstone was probably so difficult to write because I knew that this would be the last English paper that I would ever have to as an undergraduate.

When I was first told that the capstone would have a minimum of 10 pages I was overjoyed. I heard horror stories of previous English majors who have taken the capstone course talk about having to write a 20+ or even a 30+ paper. However, I soon found out that just because the page limit was much shorter than previous capstone courses - it didn't mean it would be any easier to write - especially since one of the criteria of the paper was that it had to be the best paper that I ever wrote.

After reading a blog from Mick I had a much stronger sense of what direction I wanted my paper to go in. I chose to write 5 poems, each containing several wisdom statements, each poem would be modeled off of the 5 Chinese elements, instead of the 4 western elements like in Elliot's The Four Quartets. I titled my paper The System of Five - I know it seems kind of lame but I like it. Despite the confidence that I had gain after reading Mick's blog I realized how difficult this paper would be to write. I mean this would be the last English paper that I would be writing as an undergraduate. WOW!

At first I tried to put off writing the paper but eventually I realized that I had to get started writing it and the sooner I finished it the better off I would be. When I did start to write it I found myself struggling to finish each poem greatly. Sometimes everything seemed to mesh well together but for the most part it was one big headache. But when I was finished with it I felt a strong sense of accomplishment - after all the poem wasn't to bad. And then I let a close personal friend read it, as well as some co-workers of mine who hate poetry. I told them that the poems were from another student in the class and I had to critique them and I asked them to help me out.

They all read the poems and I was pleasantly surprised when each one told me that they really like the poems and even helped me correct them some. When I told them that I had actually written the poems one co-worker told me that I should write poetry for a living instead of writing books for children - like I plan on doing. I did not know whether I should take that as a compliment or an insult.

Today's Presentation

I really liked today's presentation. Craig's was very interesting. Kari's was most amusing. And Jenny Lynn's was most refreshing. However, out of all the presentations that I saw today I must admit that I particularly liked Doug's rehashing of the meeting of his wife and the tale that he told of how she jumped the gun in regards to their seemingly unplanned wedding.

I thought that when Doug read a paragraph, or two or three, of his capstone that it was full of passion and excitement. I enjoyed the all too human tale of having trouble with the future in-laws and the struggle and difficulty with the girlfriend and future spouse.

I have three sisters and my mother was very concerned about her daughters obtaining a good education. When they would bring over their boyfriends she made it absolutely clear to them that she expected them to go college and if they objected in any way then she would disapprove of their union.

Today two out of my three sisters are attending college and both of their husbands received an earful about the importance education for women and both husbands wholly support their education.

Doug's capstone was very interesting and I wouldn't mind reading the entire finished product.

A Regret For My Time in College

I realize that I have not really lived the college experience here at MSU. You see I originally thought that I would be transferring to another university and in another state. In planning to do so I guess I thought to myself "Why put down roots and make friends when I am not going to stay in Montana long enough to enjoy them." The more roots I put down the harder wit would be for me to leave and at the time staying here was the last thing on my mind.

As a result I have let several possible opportunities for friendship pass me by. I focused primarily on my studies, not that that is a bad thing by any means mind you, and even some of the friendships that I had formed had suffered. The closer I get to graduation the more I think back on this. I see a lot of my classmates in close personal relationships and the more I see this the more I reflect on how I failed to connect and form my own friendships with my classmates.

A Night at The Baxter Hotel

It was quite an interesting experience watching the many different stages of my fellow classmates in regards to the struggles and difficulties memorizing their lines.

Some classmates only just memorized their six lines. Other students had memorized a great deal of their lines. One student only just learned that they had to memorize 6 lines and had originally thought that only one had to bring quotes and interesting facts about their section. While one had memorized all their lines but one illusive line.

Watching these students go through their own individual methods and strategies helped to take the pressure off of me. I was nervous and didn't know what to expect. Like other students I went through my lines without a glitch when the cameraman went through a rehearsal.

However, like other students when the cameraman came by a second time, only this time he was actually recording, I struggled and I think that might have messed up my lines - at least a small part of it.

I am glad that I had the courage to go through with this. It was a memorable experience for I was able to overcome my fear of performing before a camera.

Realizing that I was not alone in my fear - that my fellow classmates were also struggling with their own fears was a source of comfort for me. I took strength in that - I took solace in that.

Ah, it was an interesting night at the Baxter hotel. The cookies were good too.

A Brief Entry On Mentors In The Bhagavad Gita And Hamlet

In the Bhagavad Gita and Hamlet there is a character who acts as a mentor to the troubled hero in each story.

In the Bhagavad Gita that role is portrayed by the divine being Krishna and he is consoling Arjuna.

In Hamlet the role of a mentor is portrayed by Hamlets deceased father in the form of a ghost. Both Hamlet and Arjuna display some reservations as to the validity of the claims that both Krishna and the ghost make and struggle to come to terms with the advise and counsel that they offer.

Hamlet struggles to accept the claim that the ghost is actually his father and in a similar way Arjuna questions whether of not Krishna was in fact a divine being instead of just his chariot driver.

Both Arjuna and the ghost plunge Hamlet and Arjuna into a world of doubt and confusion as they dispense their knowledge to their unwitting students.

Oh well I have to get ready to leave for class. I did mention that this would be a brief posting and I meant it. I wonder where students find the time to write such wonderful blogs? I certainly have very little time to post blog entries. Between working close to 40 hours a week, going to school full time, and being a family man I guess my situation is a bit different than most students but still I do wonder!